On this Day

On this day, 10 years ago, I was in the Derby school district office turning in paperwork to become a substitute teacher.  The radio was playing as I waited and that was when I heard of the first plane hitting the World Trade Center.  I rushed home, turned on the tv and called my husband who was at work.  I was watching when the second plane hit.  I will never forget the exact angle that plane was banked.  The speed it traveled.  The fire.  I was in the middle of the country but it felt like it was happening in my backyard.  I didn't want to watch yet I couldn't take my eyes off of the dust.  The people.  The photos in my mind kept going back to the people falling, jumping.  All of the paper floating endlessly in the sky.  To this day, I still see it in my mind.  And I wasn't even there.  We live close to an air base and at times, the KC135s fly routes that as they bank to land, look remarkably similar to those planes that hit the towers and I have to look away.

Life changed for me that day.  Life was fragile and I saw it through my own eyes.  My husband was in the Army National Guard.  That day would be the beginning of many nights wondering, worrying if he would be called war.  Enduring the early morning phone calls from his unit to be ready, today just might be the day.  I know now there were several times he waited in line at Fort Riley to leave right then.  Only to be passed over, those around him chosen.  I think we all struggled with the call to action and a call to be safe.  You want to do something but at the same time hold on to your family with all your might. 

Life changed for us.  Like so many.  I don't know why but I have always felt somehow personally part of that day.  I try to take things slower, hug my kids longer and harder, don't sweat the small stuff.  It is hard to do.  We live in a world that moves so fast and those around you don't always appreciate a slower pace.  It is hard to brush off the little things that happen during the day.  It is hard to only worry about those things that can be changed and cope with those that can't.  I am not as tough as I once was.  More quiet.  Less opinionated.  More accepting.  I see significance in the rolling hills of the prairie, a dad playing with his child at the park, my dog placing her head on my foot.  Important things.

It has been 10 years since 9/11 but the day never seems to get easier to get through.  The following is how I saw the events of today, 10 years later.  The memorials are beautiful and perfect and I hope to visit them one day.  We should all visit them one day. 


On This Day

On This Day, the breeze blows sweetly through a field of flowers
Grace bobbing in the wind

On This Day, the bells ring
Echoing through the emptiness

On This Day, fingertips trace a line
A line that makes a name, a name that was a life

On This Day, a voice speaks
Of a father, mother, brother, sister, wife, husband, partner, friend

On This Day, tears still fall
Welling up in the depths of lives moving on

On This Day, the silence is the same
A quiet that envelopes the heart